A hundred (or 50) fun things to talk about with family during Christmas
So, Christmas is only three days away (or less depending on when you’re reading this.) If you’re like me, Christmas means getting the chance to visit with family who you might not see as often as you’d like to.
Whether you’re sitting in front of a meal, or opening presents, with family members you love dearly, or simply ones you only tolerate, sometimes you run out of things to say. It happens to the best of us.
As such, below is a list of, ahem, 100 (or so) fun things to talk about other than Uncle Rob’s new motorcycle, Aunt Janice’s quilts or your brother’s much more successful internet startup business.
Without further ado…
100. Kim Kardashian’s butt. What, I didn’t say this was going to be a family-friendly list, or did I?
99. OK, fine, talk about the absurdity of American football and how only the kicker, the least important player on the team, uses his foot.
98. How long before Alex from Target becomes an alcoholic.
97. Why Elsa is the more popular queen/princess from ‘Frozen’ even though Anna clearly is the better role model.
96. Why ‘The Big Lebowski’ is still the greatest movie of all time, or why, after all these years, the Dude still abides.
95. How Kate Davis is going to take over the world and how much you loved (or hated!) her rendition of “All About That Bass.”
94. How excited you are for the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio, for some reason. Weirdo.
93. The fact that even though it totally LOOKS like you got everyone in your family free coffee you get from Starbucks, it totally isn’t, and then acting shocked when everyone finds out that they all got the same coffee. Christmas Blend FTW!
92. How awesome it would be to eat this, even though it looks like waaaay too much work, just for some s’mores.
91. Talk about how at the next holiday you need to invite the ex-councilman from South Carolina who resigned from running for the U.S. Senate in a letter written in Klingon. Because he’s surely got some interesting stuff to say.
90. Why Butte, America, is much cooler than every other town in Montana. It totally is, and no, I won’t argue about it.
89. What you think Great Falls native Reggie Watts should perform as the new bandleader during his first taping of ‘The Late Late Show.’
88. Play the game where everyone around the table guesses how old Mark Hamill actually is, with the winner getting to eat dessert first. (For the record, he’s 92. Seriously, look it up, I’ll wait here for you.
87. How much cooler dinner would be if instead of spending it with your real family, you got to spend it with Walter White and his fictional family. Note, you might not get invited back to Christmas the next year. And, damn, you’ve got a problem. Breaking Bad is over, dude.
86. Why you think ‘Better Call Saul’ is going to be even better than ‘Breaking Bad,’ or not.
85. Okay, seriously, 100 is a lot of numbers. Do you really need that many fun things to talk about? Who came up with this idea?
84. What kind of person do you take me for? I know it sounds all fun and interesting, but have YOU ever tried coming up with 100 things to talk about during Christmas dinner? No, you haven’t. It’s not as easy as it looks, man.
83. Except, it kind of is. (Not really.)
82. Debate whether this guy who got a Jurassic Park tattoo is awesome or not. (I say no, unless he was in the movie.)
81. How much better the food during dinner would taste if everyone were naked.
80. How much more awkward it would be if everyone at the table were naked, while also assuming that the food would still taste better for some reason.
79. Debate what’s cuter in this picture, the dog, or the pipe in it’s mouth.
78. Skip dinner and watch ‘The Interview’ on Cackle and mock it’s ridiculousness.
77. Talk about whether Leslie Nielsen is just a bad parent due to his third run-in with the law in ‘Taken 3.’
76. Ask your grandmother about the time she and grandpa wore onions on their belts, which was the style at the time.
75. We’re only a quarter of the way there? OK, fine…..Talk about sex, or something, the hell if I care.
74. Or, don’t talk about sex. Talk about the lack of sex in your life.
73. Talk about how society has pressured you into thinking you need to settle down, have a family, and lots and lots of sex, but you’re not really all that into it and you might be asexual. Or something. I dunno.
72. Have a normal conversation about work, your friends, your recent developments, except do it in your best William Shatner accent.
71. Mention Ray Rice and Roger Goodell and then calmly go downstairs for the rest of the evening.
70. Tell your family that you’re planning on quitting your job to start your own website and watch as they shriek in horror at the idea. Or not, because some families are pretty cool about supporting whatever you feel you need to do, actually.
69. Drink heavily and ask why nobody calls you ‘Maestro’ in this damned forsaken family!
68. Ask dad about the time he lost his virginity with a straight face, even if it wasn’t with your mom.
67. Especially if it wasn’t with your mom.
66. Seriously, do it, what have you got to lose? I never said these were smart things to talk about, only fun ones. Be sure to film it too, and send it to firstname.lastname@example.org. That’d be awesome!
65. Ponder aloud whether you think Santa is gay or not.
64. Say you’re glad you got over that case of Ebola that was going around and are feeling much better about the world since it’s passed.
63. Debate whether everyone can come to an agreement over which great-great grandpa was tougher, the one on your mom’s side or your dad’s.
62. Talk about whatever happened to that Chocolate Rain guy. Seriously, where’d he go?
61. Invite everyone sitting at the table to sing Chocolate Rain.
60. Flat out sing it yourself if no one offers to join along. (Here’s the video below.)
59. We’re not even halfway there yet..hmmmm. Talk about why you think Bigskystatebuzz.com is the greatest website known to man and why you can hardly wait for the next updates to come in, but wonder why it’s been so long since there was a new post. Did Jake die or something?
58. No, he didn’t. (Obviously)
57. Why can’t you people come up with your own fun things to talk about? Why do you need me? Why am I talking to myself? How much longer can this go without getting unfunny? Have we reached that point yet? Maybe? Perhaps?
56. File Not Found.
55. Ask Grandma to talk about what happened when she found out she was pregnant with your mom (or dad.)
54. Talk about the brilliance that is John Cleese. Seriously, the dude is the best.
53. Debate whether or not you feel like you’ve wasted your time by reading this list.
52. Ask who in their right minds is going to watch the new Fast and Furious movie. Seriously, what the hell? Who keeps making these pieces of junk?
51. Ask your mom or grandma whether Doctor Who would beat Batman in a footrace and see what she says.
50 through 1 — Talk about all the things that could have been added to this list but were not because the author started getting hungry.