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Five (fake) facts about the second Star Wars teaser you probably didn’t notice

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The new teaser for Star Wars: The Force Awakens has people on the internet in a tizzy of excitement as it was just released today, April 16.

We here at Big Sky State Buzz just so happened to be sitting next to J.J. Abrams when the trailer came out and got to ask him some burning questions about it, which he graciously answered all of them, at least in our own imagination.

But, if we did talk to J.J. about the trailer, here’s what he’d probably tell us.

5) Han Solo and Chewbacca just made out with each other before we see them

Han Solo and Princess Leia share an intimate moment together. Not pictured: Chewbacca getting suuuper jealous.
Han Solo and Princess Leia share an intimate moment together. Not pictured: Chewbacca getting suuuper jealous.

The look in Han’s eye, the veracity of Chewie’s growl, there’s something more happening in that scene, and it’s not simply the fact that they’ve returned to Corellia.

No, it’s that after three full movies filled with sexual tension between he and his Wookie pal, they finally expressed that burning desire for one another in a physical way, which J.J. says is never really shown on screen but is hinted at throughout the film. He said there might be more breadcrumbs throughout the next few movies, but he doesn’t know yet because he’s only directing The Force Awakens.

This action sets up a love triangle between Han, Leia and Chewy that ends in a death match between the three of them at the Jedi Academy. Three people enter, two leave together.

4) That rotted skull that looks like Darth Vader actually was Jar Jar Binks.

Now, J.J. said while it might be reasonable to think that the cool looking skull that’s shaped in the form of Darth Vader’s head is actually Darth Vader, however, that’s assuming that Vader’s head is not under a helmet, which in that scene looks like the same bones that make up his face.

And that’s where J.J. told me that most people will get it wrong. It’s actually the skull of one Jar Jar Binks, who in the extended universe, somewhere, it’s there, just trust me, OK? has a maliable bone structure in his skull that allows him to meld it to any other person or people he wants.

Abrams said that while he was out being a boss looking like Vader, he was fried to a crisp by Justin Timberlake’s character, also again who plays a big part in the extended universe somewhere. It’s there, trust me.

J.J. said the misdirection was there on purpose, but that he didn’t mind telling me because he said “I’d be surprised if anyone actually reads this rubbish.” To which, I responded, “yeah, well, at least there’s no lens flare in this pile of rubbish, sir” and then I apologized profusely and begged him to keep talking to me through my imagination.

3) Luke Skywalker is talking to no one in particular as the voice over 

If you watch the voice over you might start to realize that it’s Luke Skywalker talking about the Force and how it’s very strong in his entire family. What you don’t know, though,  is that while Skywalker is saying this, he’s actually talking to himself while sitting on the floor of a retirement home he’s been committed to halfway through the movie.

Abrams said he gets checks into the retirement community in Tattooine by his son Ben, who claims to be getting tired of him peeing his bed, throwing his puppy across the planet and drinking all of his Shesharilian vodka then saying it was the “Dark Side” that made him do it.

After months of no human interaction at the retirement home, Abrams says Luke just starts talking about everything and anything that has no bearing on anything at all other than it sorta sounds like it should be important.

Which leads us to Abrams’ next revelation

2) The man touching R2D2’s head is none other than George Lucas himself

Yep. That's George Lucas himself touching R2D2. We know this because reasons.
Yep. That’s George Lucas himself touching R2D2. We know this because reasons.

Abrams told me that while Lucas told him that he was cool with handing all of the creative control over to him for this movie, something Star Wars fans everywhere have praised insistently, one stipulation was that Lucas would have to be written into the movie as a character somewhere. Thus is the creation of the new character “Captain Origin.” Who, Abrams said, goes around throughout the movie telling the characters how they SHOULD have done things and how much better they’d look if they just tried losing a few pounds or undergoing a CGI operation, which, isn’t explained until the next movie what that entails.

Anyhow, the hand you see there is the hand of Captain Origin, who will look like George Lucas, except with green skin and a spiked tongue.

Which brings us to the last fake fact about the new Star Wars trailer:

 

1) The explosion seen at 1:10 was a real one that they kept in the movie

Abrams also said that when they started shooting, he made a promise not to use any CGI and that he’d try to keep the explosions at a minimum, instead focusing on the lore, the characters and the history of the extended universe.

However, as they were shooting the epic love scene between Lando Calrissian and General Dodonna, one of the crew members, the Key Grip, Abrams said with no remorse, bumped one of the smoke machines into the shark tank Lando was supposed to jump over to get to his love Dodonna, causing an electrical spike, which cut the lights. As the electricians were working on the lights, one of the repairmen bumped into an exposed vent, which started leaking natural gas.

Yep, totally real explosion here.
Yep, totally real explosion here.

With the natural gas leaking, Oscar Isaac, the actor who’s set to play Poe Dameron, lit a cigar, thus igniting the whole place up in a fiery explosion.

Abrams said Isaac made it out OK, and that because they had a camera man who was running late for the shoot, he happened to get a shot of the entire explosion from the outside, as well as the two main characters running from it. It was such a good shot that they wrote it into the movie itself.

Thanks for reading, and be sure to leave a comment below about all of the facts you’ve heard about the new Star Wars trailer. The movie hits theaters in December!

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